5 tips for improving your sex life if you have been in a relationship for more than 10 years

“Envious and admiring looks are not the only thing you and your partner will have to deal with if you have been in a relationship for 5–10 years or longer,” says Svetlana Punte, owner of the SEX GURU agency. For the fifth year already, her agency, in cooperation with the international training centre «СЕКС.РФ», has been organising practical “adult training” courses in Latvia and abroad.

“Many people who have been in a relationship for a long time truly value and love each other, yet they do not have good sex,” notes Jelena Bekmane, a psychologist, sexologist and professional sex coach. “Or they do have sex, but rarely: only one partner takes the initiative, pressuring the other partner into having sex.”

I do not want you to think at all that any marriage lasting many years is boring or monotonous. However, you must admit: almost no one dares to tell their husband or wife that there are problems with sex. You may like or dislike your partner; they may be more or less suitable for you, or completely unsuitable. However, if you have several years of life together behind you, as well as a family, children and a household routine to which you have become accustomed, only a few people would dare to take a risk “for the sake of good sex.”

To add variety specifically to the lives of such couples, as well as to the lives of people who are open to “adult” experiments and reflections on sex, I will offer several unconventional tips. Do not rush to close this article; read these ideas. Perhaps one of them will be useful specifically for you.

Tip No. 1: Invite a third person

Some of you may think: “That is not for us.” Do not jump to conclusions. The third partner does not necessarily have to be real. We are talking about sexual fantasies—both yours and your partner’s.

You have every right to share your fantasies as long as they remain fantasies. If you like the actress Scarlett Johansson or the neighbour from the flat on your floor—believe me, that is truly nothing unusual or special. Try to make productive use of platonic feelings to improve your sex life.

There is no doubt that this approach presupposes honesty, openness and accepting your partner as they are, with all their unusual desires, right from the start. The courage to talk about what you have always kept silent about—that is the real challenge too. However, these very “adult games” are a “legal” way to remain faithful while even adding a little humour and spice to your relationship. Anything goes: distinctive clothing, changing your image for a while, using an invented name in bed or saying arousing phrases during sex.

Light the fire and colour your sensations with the help of your own fantasies!

Tip No. 2: Go on holiday separately

Yes, separately. No one is saying that your shared family values do not matter. However, it is very possible that you have not only family-related desires, but also individual wishes and dreams.

Where would you like to go? What kind of lifestyle attracts you? Do you want to fly to Dubai and receive a generous amount of male attention from an Eastern sheikh? Or spend time with a genuinely passionate Mexican woman? Go ahead. No, really. I am not suggesting that you turn your marriage into a farce, debauchery or deception. Simply get a fresh dose of attention. You are doing all this for attention, after all, aren’t you? According to social surveys, more than 94% of partners in relationships admit that they still enjoy receiving attention from the opposite sex. More than half (52%) feel a lack of attention from their partner. Fulfil your needs intelligently and beautifully, and this will only help your relationship.

Tip No. 3: Visit an “adult room”

Yes, there are such rooms in Riga too. And do not think that they are visited “only by perverts.” That is a completely mistaken belief! Look online and gather information about “adult games”—there is plenty of such information.

Finally, admit to yourselves what might theoretically appeal to you and what might appeal to your partner. Discuss it together, look at photographs, have a laugh if you like, but try to reach an honest conclusion: “What would we do if we ended up there? Perhaps we should try it? No one will find out!”

Do you remember the film “Fifty Shades of Grey”? And the series “Billions,” in which the prosecutor’s wife dresses up as a strict dominatrix and punishes her powerful husband? Simply devote a couple of hours to it and experiment as if you were the characters in the film.

Tip No. 4: Attend sex courses

Most likely, you will feel that you already know everything: how to give pleasure to yourself and your beloved, what erogenous zones you have and even which ones you do not… In reality, however, you will be surprised by how many new things you can learn about yourself. And that is excellent news—it means that you have an opportunity to make your intimate life much more interesting.

The longer you are together, the more familiar, understandable and predictable your sex becomes. And that is boring. You might think that you can learn something new only by constantly cheating on your partner. However, I cannot say that this is fair to your partner.

There are many coaches around the world who specialise in various sexual and erotic practices. This does not mean that you will actually have to have sex during the training. However, it does mean that you will be able to get to know yourself and your body even better.

Do you want to surprise your partner? Attend a course and then delight them, surprise them and demonstrate your new skills the next time you have sex.

In Riga, adult courses that include practical training take place at least two or three times a year.

Tip No. 5: Throw a wild girls’ or boys’ party

If the previous tips seem too radical or risky to you, it will be difficult to turn down such an offer.

Just imagine: relaxing with friends according to rules you have set yourself and without the restrictions imposed by numerous family obligations.

How long has it been since you relaxed without holding your phone in your hand and wondering whether he or she might suddenly write to you?

“I wish all couples in Latvia mutual love, openness, honesty, varied ways of spending time and good sex. Do not be afraid to experiment; it will only strengthen your relationship,” concludes Jelena Bekmane.

Information prepared by the agency “Advanced Learning & Communications”,  www.alc.lv