Psychologist on ageing happily: how to wear the senior title with pride and style
Published: 03.03.2022
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Joy and a sparkle in the eyes, a healthy dose of energy and enthusiasm, and good relationships with those around us are signs of self-fulfilment. Yet, as the years go by, achieving this becomes increasingly difficult—especially when those around us make us feel old, even though spring reigns in our hearts. Psychologist Iveta Aunīte explains how not to lose one’s spirits and still feel 30 at the age of 80.
Being a senior means a whole range of advantages!
“We use the term seniors to refer to people aged 55 and over. However, we must first understand that age is just a number. There is no room for thoughts such as ‘what can I do now’, ‘my life is already over’, or ‘let the young ones do it’!
It is another matter that we should act within our capabilities, but we certainly must act, because life goes on and may continue for another 30 or 40 years. And we all want to live well and feel happy!” psychologist Iveta Aunīte.
Of course, it is not for nothing that people say that old age is no friend. Upon reaching their senior years, many things no longer happen as easily as they did in youth, and this affects more than just physical health, flexibility, or endurance. Seniors may be characterised by resistance to change, a certain stagnation, and stereotypical thinking; even in the digital language so essential today, most seniors speak “with an accent”. Yet there are many more advantages—people of the “old school” possess diligence, ethical and moral motivation, stability, experience, and knowledge. And people with ethical and moral motivation are a dream team for any employer!
Stay one step ahead of change!
Change is inevitable. It is one of the few constants in the world. Iveta Aunīte explains that the stress factor is not change itself, but rather the volume and pace of information, which are frantic nowadays.
“Change should be viewed as a journey, not a destination, because it will never end. We cannot influence this, but we can choose how to live with it. We can ignore change, resist it, or support it. In change, we should seek the answer to the question of how the new situation will be more beneficial and convenient. It is impossible to introduce anything new without a spark in one’s eyes and initiative, so it is better to influence change by shaping it ourselves,” Iveta Aunīte emphasises.
There is no such thing as an ideal life
Life is dynamic—constant change. Being happy means being satisfied with how life unfolds, because there is no such thing as an ideal life. People always think the grass is greener where they are not, but life is not perfect. That is why it is important to choose what we focus on in it. “What we focus on grows. If we focus on the good, we will increase it, and vice versa. The more harmony there is in a person’s life, the happier that life is. But harmony arises when we live in accordance with our philosophy of life and system of values,” says the psychologist.
She reminds us that a person always has a choice: either to live their own life or to fulfil other people’s goals. The more we strive to conform to ideas—our own or other people’s—about how things should be, the greater the chance of disappointment. Everyone must find a way to protect their own interests while remaining needed and useful to those around them. Or, as neuroscientist Richard Davidson has said, being happy and living well is a skill, not a coincidence of circumstances, and this skill can be learned just as we can learn to play a musical instrument.
New habits shape character and change life
One of the best activities a senior can devote their free time to is learning. When a person learns something new, they are forced to mobilise, concentrate, train their memory and logical thinking, and observe deadlines. Learning is necessary for brain development, so in an age of information abundance, it is important not only to filter information but also to acquire it. The more complex the new material being learned, the better, says Iveta Aunīte: “Learn foreign languages. Take up new hobbies. Explore a subject that has always seemed interesting to you.
If a senior wants to compete in the labour market, they must certainly acquire digital skills, which everyone needs nowadays, regardless of age. Fortunately, lifelong learning is available in Latvia and can even be undertaken with up to 90% state funding, so find courses that seem useful to you and learn!”
The expert adds that if one cannot enrol in courses independently, one should ask the younger generation for help. A senior should not be ashamed to admit that they do not know how to do something, because they know and have experienced much more than even the sharpest young person.
The only person worth competing with is yourself
“There is no point in comparing yourself with others. Everyone has lived a different life and arrived at the present by their own path.Therefore, there is no point in comparing yourself with others. It is a road to nowhere. We will always find someone who is wiser, slimmer, or more successful,” Iveta Aunīte acknowledges.
It is important to take care of your well-being: restoring your strength requires a healthy diet, sufficient sleep, and physical activity, while developing positive self-esteem requires planning an activity every day that gives you a sense of achievement.
How can you live with the senior title?
A 55-year-old person who crosses the theoretical threshold for senior age is, in reality, still young and full of energy. Yes, 30 years ago, this was retirement age for women. Nowadays, the retirement age has been pushed forward by almost 10 years, so at 55 a person is still competing in the labour market and enjoying the same opportunities in life as younger people.
But how can one live with the looks of those around them, in which the label “senior” can already be sensed? “It is important to find an activity that brings joy every day,” says Iveta Aunīte. “This is the right time to ask yourself: what do I really want to do now? And you must certainly allow yourself to do it!
To feel happy, a person needs work they love, goals to strive towards, their own opinion listened to by the people important to them, self-indulgence, silence, a healthy dose of solitude, permission to make mistakes, positive self-esteem, close and warm relationships with those around them, and a smile.
For the young and lively, it is important not to worry about what others think and to live with the feeling that 55, or any number above it, is just a number.”
The psychologist advises retirees to pursue hobbies and find like-minded people in local senior clubs or on social media, where they can join various interest groups. If they have gained free time, it is worth fulfilling dreams once postponed because of haste and busyness. Iveta Aunīte’s childhood dream is to learn to play the piano, which she is now planning to do, and she has found a teacher who works with adults. “We live in a wonderful time—almost nothing is impossible, and we should make use of that,” the psychologist encourages.
How can children and grandchildren help?
The worst thing we can do in any situation when those around us need help is to impose our own opinion, the psychologist acknowledges. What matters is being there and creating a sense of being needed for seniors. “This does not mean exploiting our parents or grandparents, but reminding them that no one makes pancakes as deliciously or catches fish as large as they do, entrusting them with tasks, and asking for their help,” Iveta Aunīte explains.
She recommends inviting a senior even just for a walk and explaining that the route will be manageable, that amenities will be available, and that there will be an opportunity to sit with a thermos of coffee while the younger people walk a longer route. It is very important to help with the use of technology—the enormous range of digital cultural offerings will delight a senior, even if they cannot immediately work out how to buy a ticket.
Seniors should be encouraged to learn how to join remote meetings and parties so that they feel accepted, included, and needed.
“It is also important to leave people alone if they genuinely do not want to do something, and not make them feel guilty about it or sulk—this can only result in our seniors preferring to see us leave rather than arrive. Allow the other person not to do something; that too can help them look at the world with a smile,” concludes Iveta Aunīte.
